The Forgiveness Factor
The Positive Pragmatics of Forgiveness
It seems that everywhere one turns today there are problems. Problems in the world such as global warming, terrorism, inflation, crime, and so forth with so many etc., etc., etceteras that one is reminded of the classic movie “The King and I.” The list is long and to many, very depressing. It may surprise you, it has me, but one of the most popular new search terms emerging recently is “anxiety.” There is a unspoken but deep feeling of anxiousness among many today and there is no end to the so-called cures offered in the market place for this guttural discomfort that can nag at one waking them from sleep and disturbing their day time activities with just some indefinite but uncomfortable feeling.
Why the anxiety? One could easily suggest a myriad of reasons. However the most important feature of anxiety is the sense of or lack of control and the perceived need to somehow take a hold of the stimulus or stimuli and direct the potential outcome. Alas, the anxiety persists chiefly when one is unable to affect the stimuli in any real way. So, global warming, terrorism, inflation and other economic concerns, shortages, and other doom and gloom forecasts, thoughts, etc. are not the “stuff” that the average individual can directly effect.
Like the ocean, anxious feelings tend to have crests and troughs and come in waves that propagate each other. Escaping this pattern requires a new perspective. There are many alternatives but essentially they come down to just two. The first is somehow finding something that one can do that minimizes the power of the stimuli. So, if you’re powerful enough to persuade the world to eliminate the causes of global warming then you can minimize the power of this stimulus if not destroy its grip all together. The second option is to simply attend to that which we can control and let go of that which is beyond our control. This so-called “let go and let God,” has been referred to by some as a Pollyanna perspective that is solipsist. (I am using the word God here in the sense Wayne Dyer approaches the Source and that is as the Grand Organizing Designer—GOD).
The term Pollyanna comes from the heroine of a novel by the same name by Eleanor Porter. In general terms it is used to describe an irrepressible optimism and a tendency to find good in everything. A solipsist in its strict sense is a person that maintains that the self can know nothing but its own modifications. To some thinkers this translates into egocentrism, a sort of self as the only existent thing. However, if the notion of self-modification is viewed from the perspective that each of us knows ourselves, our history, our changes, our fears, our limitations and so forth, then from this perspective one can easily step up to the proverbial plate and admit that they are not in control of the future or any other stimuli that is otherwise out of their control. For many, the old question, “If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to hear, does it make a sound?” is answered by the quantum physics perspective that suggests without consciousness there is nothing. In other words, remove the someone to hear and there is no sound for there is no tree. In this sense, our reality is one that is created by each of us in many more ways than most might have thought. This too can be taken as rather solipsist.
The great philosopher psychologist William James had a better term and that is “pragmatic.” The word originates from the Greek meaning officious and pertaining to matters of fact and practical affairs. James used this word to set apart the practical from the idealistic. In good old country talk, the meaning goes like this, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” The pragmatic view is one of what works. The fact of the matter is letting go and letting God works! Now saying this and doing it are not necessarily the same thing so let’s look at a couple of quick, painless and easy ways by which we can all let go—including let go of anxiety.
First, begin your day with a simple thank you. Acknowledge but for a moment that all that you have, all that you are, is a gift. The new day is a gift. Accept the gift with gratitude. Take that gratitude attitude like a sincere Pollyanna into your day, knowing that all that comes to you does so for some higher good. So-called problems are really opportunities in disguise. These opportunities assist us in our personal growth. From them we become better people.
Second, forgive—forgive yourself, forgive all others and accept the worthiness to be forgiven. When some fearful or angry thought enters your mind, bless it. Give it love—all the love you can. You’ll probably find that a smile strangely wanders onto your face—the whole idea of blessing those that we blame is so counter intuitive to the way most are raised that I cannot overstate the power of this simple practice. While you’re smiling, realize that the simple act of smiling turns certain neuro-chemicals on in the brain. In other words, the act of smiling tells the brain life is good and the brain says in neuro-chemical, “Great—it’s feel good time!” and pumps some good old feel good chemicals through our bodies. So, if you don’t naturally smile when you do your blessing (forgiving) then fake it “till you make it. (You can obtain a free copy of our Forgiving and Letting Go program, one per customer please, by ordering it on tape or CD at my website: www.innertalk.com).
Third, let go. Let go and let God. Do what you can do and let God do the rest. When I have suggested this in the past I have been asked, how? How do I know what I can do? There is a sense that there is nothing that I can do and you have pointed this out, so what is it that I am to do? Here is the answer. Short and sweet—do a good deed for someone else. Go to the aid of another. Help someone in some small way. Help someone that may never expect you to give them aid of any kind. Give someone a smile, a compliment; add some give good feelings to others’ repertoire to your acumen of abilities and watch the world around you change. Helping others is our ultimate mission in some manner or another. The purpose driven life could be summed up without sermons as one aiding others to the best of our abilities.
Now perhaps you say to yourself something like, “Ya’ sure, sounds good but….” and go on filling in the blanks behind the buts with all of your own real and imagined experiences. Like the bumper sticker, for many “Life sucks and then you die;” and unfortunately the rest of us must to some extent deal with those that hold this philosophy close to their bosom. As an author and speaker myself I am often questioned as to how I deal with stimuli that most term negative? In other words, am I a Pollyanna pragmatist—do I walk the talk? The question scares me for I do not wish to deal with more “stuff” and yet I recognize that it is from our of struggles that we become strong—still, answering the question seems all too much like inviting trial. In my new book “Choices and Illusions: How Did I Get Here and How Do I Get Where I Want to Be?” to be released in January 2007, I retell a story of the Emperor Moth. The story is one of my favorites for it teaches at many levels like most good stories of this type. It seems that there once was a scientist that beheld the glory of an Emperor Moth and was so totally taken by the creature that he decided to study it. So for over a year he monitored the activities of the giant moth. One day he came upon a caterpillar ready to spin its cocoon, so he seized this opportunity to study the moth more closely. He gently captured the caterpillar and took it back to his lab. Here within a glass container he watched the caterpillar build its cocoon and enter that state of deep sleep while it underwent the chrysalis changing form from crawling on the ground to floating in the sky.
Then the day came that the moth was ready to leave the cocoon. The scientist watched anxiously as the tiny head chewed its way into the light of the laboratory. The moth struggled and struggled seemingly getting nowhere. Its body was simply too large to fit through the tiny hole in the cocoon. The moth tired and laid its head to rest on the shell of the cocoon when the scientist took it upon himself to help the tiny creature. “How could I stand here for so many hours watching this beautiful moth go through such agony and pain?” he questioned. “Where is my mercy?” he continued as he took his tweezers and cut away the cocoon. Unfortunately, the moth died.
Later the scientist discovered that it was precisely the struggle that forced the fluids down into the body of the Emperor Moth and gave rise to its aerodynamic ability. The cocoon forced the fluids back into the body perfectly proportioning the Moth as it forced its way out. Cutting away the cocoon in an effort to help had only killed the Moth.
From our conflicts and our struggles strength is gained, learning takes place, personal empowerment can happen and wisdom can be attained.
An author I have often enjoyed, Gerald Jampolsky, has stated we teach what we want to learn. My seminars, books, audio materials, articles and newsletters frequently address issues of self-control, patience, forgiveness and so forth. This is obviously not an exception. So once again, am I teaching what I wish to learn—walking the talk?
One experience I had recently really tested my own degree of learning. My web site (www.innertalk.com) typically sees between 1 and 1.2 million hits per month and our e-newsletter mails to tens of thousands of subscribers. One of the casualties of business sometimes is the fact that the businesses business depends upon can go on strike, lose their financial footing and file bankruptcy, change management and methods of doing business and so forth, any or all of which can really effect all the businesses doing business with this subject business—enough already with the business of business. Our web host simply went broke and without warning our web sites were gone. One night we had several functioning web sites serving people around the world and the next morning they were inaccessible.
Our phones rang off the hook. Staff desperately attempted to determine the problem. Was it a temporary glitch or worse? Ten years ago it would have been only a minor hiccup in the day but times change and almost everything moving through our retail, international and publishing divisions is dependent upon the internet. Everything from ecommerce to email communication was gone.
Well, the long and the short of it was we finally determined the problem and took steps to correct the situation and restore our so-called normal activities. I found it both interesting and educational. In his book, “The I of the Storm,” Gary Simmons points out that we are not our experiences. In his words, “I have experiences—experiences don’t have me.” Between Jampolsky and Simmons I realized this experience did teach all of us here at InnerTalk to stay in the center of our beings and choose to find the positive.
Why the proverbial “bad things” happen to all of us is something that is not easy to understand, albeit we eventually often discover the reason. However, as Simmons points out, the reason a driver cutting me off in traffic is upsetting is due to how I choose to view the world. Expectation often is negative because we can tend to project our fears, insecurities and so forth on everything. The look given us by our employer or loved one that causes uneasiness whilst one works in their mind to figure out what’s behind the look is another example of our projection mechanism. If we were to learn that the employer was disguising a surprise birthday party in our honor, or the person in traffic was actually attempting to rush their small child to the hospital, we would think differently and that would produce a different psychophysical response.
It is our psychophysical response that dictates selfishly that we choose to take a higher ground and find the positive in everything. As I pointed out repeatedly in my book, Wellness: Just a State of Mind (available free as a download at www.innertalk.com or for only $5.95 as a paper back book), the stress response inhibits just those little things in our body that we like to work optimally--like our endocrine and immune system or our autonomic nervous system. We all want these “little things” to work optimally if for no other reason than to improve the quality of our lives, relationships, health, longevity, etc. The lesson: find the good and focus on the positive, even if it is only to have that Pollyanna expectation that simply says, “I can’t wait to see what good comes from this!”
It seems that everywhere one turns today there are problems. Problems in the world such as global warming, terrorism, inflation, crime, and so forth with so many etc., etc., etceteras that one is reminded of the classic movie “The King and I.” The list is long and to many, very depressing. It may surprise you, it has me, but one of the most popular new search terms emerging recently is “anxiety.” There is a unspoken but deep feeling of anxiousness among many today and there is no end to the so-called cures offered in the market place for this guttural discomfort that can nag at one waking them from sleep and disturbing their day time activities with just some indefinite but uncomfortable feeling.
Why the anxiety? One could easily suggest a myriad of reasons. However the most important feature of anxiety is the sense of or lack of control and the perceived need to somehow take a hold of the stimulus or stimuli and direct the potential outcome. Alas, the anxiety persists chiefly when one is unable to affect the stimuli in any real way. So, global warming, terrorism, inflation and other economic concerns, shortages, and other doom and gloom forecasts, thoughts, etc. are not the “stuff” that the average individual can directly effect.
Like the ocean, anxious feelings tend to have crests and troughs and come in waves that propagate each other. Escaping this pattern requires a new perspective. There are many alternatives but essentially they come down to just two. The first is somehow finding something that one can do that minimizes the power of the stimuli. So, if you’re powerful enough to persuade the world to eliminate the causes of global warming then you can minimize the power of this stimulus if not destroy its grip all together. The second option is to simply attend to that which we can control and let go of that which is beyond our control. This so-called “let go and let God,” has been referred to by some as a Pollyanna perspective that is solipsist. (I am using the word God here in the sense Wayne Dyer approaches the Source and that is as the Grand Organizing Designer—GOD).
The term Pollyanna comes from the heroine of a novel by the same name by Eleanor Porter. In general terms it is used to describe an irrepressible optimism and a tendency to find good in everything. A solipsist in its strict sense is a person that maintains that the self can know nothing but its own modifications. To some thinkers this translates into egocentrism, a sort of self as the only existent thing. However, if the notion of self-modification is viewed from the perspective that each of us knows ourselves, our history, our changes, our fears, our limitations and so forth, then from this perspective one can easily step up to the proverbial plate and admit that they are not in control of the future or any other stimuli that is otherwise out of their control. For many, the old question, “If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to hear, does it make a sound?” is answered by the quantum physics perspective that suggests without consciousness there is nothing. In other words, remove the someone to hear and there is no sound for there is no tree. In this sense, our reality is one that is created by each of us in many more ways than most might have thought. This too can be taken as rather solipsist.
The great philosopher psychologist William James had a better term and that is “pragmatic.” The word originates from the Greek meaning officious and pertaining to matters of fact and practical affairs. James used this word to set apart the practical from the idealistic. In good old country talk, the meaning goes like this, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” The pragmatic view is one of what works. The fact of the matter is letting go and letting God works! Now saying this and doing it are not necessarily the same thing so let’s look at a couple of quick, painless and easy ways by which we can all let go—including let go of anxiety.
First, begin your day with a simple thank you. Acknowledge but for a moment that all that you have, all that you are, is a gift. The new day is a gift. Accept the gift with gratitude. Take that gratitude attitude like a sincere Pollyanna into your day, knowing that all that comes to you does so for some higher good. So-called problems are really opportunities in disguise. These opportunities assist us in our personal growth. From them we become better people.
Second, forgive—forgive yourself, forgive all others and accept the worthiness to be forgiven. When some fearful or angry thought enters your mind, bless it. Give it love—all the love you can. You’ll probably find that a smile strangely wanders onto your face—the whole idea of blessing those that we blame is so counter intuitive to the way most are raised that I cannot overstate the power of this simple practice. While you’re smiling, realize that the simple act of smiling turns certain neuro-chemicals on in the brain. In other words, the act of smiling tells the brain life is good and the brain says in neuro-chemical, “Great—it’s feel good time!” and pumps some good old feel good chemicals through our bodies. So, if you don’t naturally smile when you do your blessing (forgiving) then fake it “till you make it. (You can obtain a free copy of our Forgiving and Letting Go program, one per customer please, by ordering it on tape or CD at my website: www.innertalk.com).
Third, let go. Let go and let God. Do what you can do and let God do the rest. When I have suggested this in the past I have been asked, how? How do I know what I can do? There is a sense that there is nothing that I can do and you have pointed this out, so what is it that I am to do? Here is the answer. Short and sweet—do a good deed for someone else. Go to the aid of another. Help someone in some small way. Help someone that may never expect you to give them aid of any kind. Give someone a smile, a compliment; add some give good feelings to others’ repertoire to your acumen of abilities and watch the world around you change. Helping others is our ultimate mission in some manner or another. The purpose driven life could be summed up without sermons as one aiding others to the best of our abilities.
Now perhaps you say to yourself something like, “Ya’ sure, sounds good but….” and go on filling in the blanks behind the buts with all of your own real and imagined experiences. Like the bumper sticker, for many “Life sucks and then you die;” and unfortunately the rest of us must to some extent deal with those that hold this philosophy close to their bosom. As an author and speaker myself I am often questioned as to how I deal with stimuli that most term negative? In other words, am I a Pollyanna pragmatist—do I walk the talk? The question scares me for I do not wish to deal with more “stuff” and yet I recognize that it is from our of struggles that we become strong—still, answering the question seems all too much like inviting trial. In my new book “Choices and Illusions: How Did I Get Here and How Do I Get Where I Want to Be?” to be released in January 2007, I retell a story of the Emperor Moth. The story is one of my favorites for it teaches at many levels like most good stories of this type. It seems that there once was a scientist that beheld the glory of an Emperor Moth and was so totally taken by the creature that he decided to study it. So for over a year he monitored the activities of the giant moth. One day he came upon a caterpillar ready to spin its cocoon, so he seized this opportunity to study the moth more closely. He gently captured the caterpillar and took it back to his lab. Here within a glass container he watched the caterpillar build its cocoon and enter that state of deep sleep while it underwent the chrysalis changing form from crawling on the ground to floating in the sky.
Then the day came that the moth was ready to leave the cocoon. The scientist watched anxiously as the tiny head chewed its way into the light of the laboratory. The moth struggled and struggled seemingly getting nowhere. Its body was simply too large to fit through the tiny hole in the cocoon. The moth tired and laid its head to rest on the shell of the cocoon when the scientist took it upon himself to help the tiny creature. “How could I stand here for so many hours watching this beautiful moth go through such agony and pain?” he questioned. “Where is my mercy?” he continued as he took his tweezers and cut away the cocoon. Unfortunately, the moth died.
Later the scientist discovered that it was precisely the struggle that forced the fluids down into the body of the Emperor Moth and gave rise to its aerodynamic ability. The cocoon forced the fluids back into the body perfectly proportioning the Moth as it forced its way out. Cutting away the cocoon in an effort to help had only killed the Moth.
From our conflicts and our struggles strength is gained, learning takes place, personal empowerment can happen and wisdom can be attained.
An author I have often enjoyed, Gerald Jampolsky, has stated we teach what we want to learn. My seminars, books, audio materials, articles and newsletters frequently address issues of self-control, patience, forgiveness and so forth. This is obviously not an exception. So once again, am I teaching what I wish to learn—walking the talk?
One experience I had recently really tested my own degree of learning. My web site (www.innertalk.com) typically sees between 1 and 1.2 million hits per month and our e-newsletter mails to tens of thousands of subscribers. One of the casualties of business sometimes is the fact that the businesses business depends upon can go on strike, lose their financial footing and file bankruptcy, change management and methods of doing business and so forth, any or all of which can really effect all the businesses doing business with this subject business—enough already with the business of business. Our web host simply went broke and without warning our web sites were gone. One night we had several functioning web sites serving people around the world and the next morning they were inaccessible.
Our phones rang off the hook. Staff desperately attempted to determine the problem. Was it a temporary glitch or worse? Ten years ago it would have been only a minor hiccup in the day but times change and almost everything moving through our retail, international and publishing divisions is dependent upon the internet. Everything from ecommerce to email communication was gone.
Well, the long and the short of it was we finally determined the problem and took steps to correct the situation and restore our so-called normal activities. I found it both interesting and educational. In his book, “The I of the Storm,” Gary Simmons points out that we are not our experiences. In his words, “I have experiences—experiences don’t have me.” Between Jampolsky and Simmons I realized this experience did teach all of us here at InnerTalk to stay in the center of our beings and choose to find the positive.
Why the proverbial “bad things” happen to all of us is something that is not easy to understand, albeit we eventually often discover the reason. However, as Simmons points out, the reason a driver cutting me off in traffic is upsetting is due to how I choose to view the world. Expectation often is negative because we can tend to project our fears, insecurities and so forth on everything. The look given us by our employer or loved one that causes uneasiness whilst one works in their mind to figure out what’s behind the look is another example of our projection mechanism. If we were to learn that the employer was disguising a surprise birthday party in our honor, or the person in traffic was actually attempting to rush their small child to the hospital, we would think differently and that would produce a different psychophysical response.
It is our psychophysical response that dictates selfishly that we choose to take a higher ground and find the positive in everything. As I pointed out repeatedly in my book, Wellness: Just a State of Mind (available free as a download at www.innertalk.com or for only $5.95 as a paper back book), the stress response inhibits just those little things in our body that we like to work optimally--like our endocrine and immune system or our autonomic nervous system. We all want these “little things” to work optimally if for no other reason than to improve the quality of our lives, relationships, health, longevity, etc. The lesson: find the good and focus on the positive, even if it is only to have that Pollyanna expectation that simply says, “I can’t wait to see what good comes from this!”
posted by Eldon Taylor at 11:19 AM
1 Comments:
Hello,
I have to disagree with some of your statements. I just picked up your book, Choices and Illusions and decided to see your blog and website. I really appreciate much of your insight; I agree with some, am working at understanding others, and simply disagree with the forgiveness factor.
You stated "Second, forgive—forgive yourself, forgive all others and accept the worthiness to be forgiven." My disagreement comes from the fact that forgiveness implies wronging someone or something. If we actually approach something that it is acting as it is - it doesn't have any other choice, then we don't need to forgive. That is, I believe that if something is acting in its truest form, it is being what it can only be. Forgiveness implies a certain control that you have over another, a certain judgment that doesn't really mean anything. It's difficult for me to relate these concepts into words but I think what the real term is is acceptance. I agree totally with the last part of your sentance, "When some fearful or angry thought enters your mind, bless it. Give it love—all the love you can." That is true acceptance. It's not forgiveness in and of itself. Perhaps that is semantics ( :-) ) but there is my take. Thank you for the work you are doing and for your thought provoking work. I appreciate the challenge!
All the best,
Kris
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